Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
