She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
