I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
