Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
