You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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