the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
