once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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