i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
that's an acceptable place to lick
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
