u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are the jesus of drinking
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
