she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sarcasm needs its own font
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
