There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The uberlube is also flammable
40s are totally the cure
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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