I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize