Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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