Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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