Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
