you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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