One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
