In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
