youre lurking in front of me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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