I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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