come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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