i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
