i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
