I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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