didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
