i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
