If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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