There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
