How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Welp...herpes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
