We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
