We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
