I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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