my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
