I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize