Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
