I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize