My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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