i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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