i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
