ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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