ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize