He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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