The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
