I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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