His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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