my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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