If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
