Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
