a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize