PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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