once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize