im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Randomize
