then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
