Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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