I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
