your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
