he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
