Your tits are I can't wait for
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
