I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
