we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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