Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
