I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
