The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
