I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
