its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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