would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
