you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i love accidental penises.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
