yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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