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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
