I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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