She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
