just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
