What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize