My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
