hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your cock deserves a montage
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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