when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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