WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
