At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
