3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
