He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
