Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
