Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
